Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Homesickness - New Camper Blog Series

Welcome back, new camper families! Each week in our New Camper Blog Series, we want you to feel prepared while also helping your daughter to feel some excitement for camp. We hope both are happening as you’ve been reading along with us this year! If you’re just joining us, be sure to browse the blog archives for past new-camper posts; you’ll find lots of helpful answers to the questions we have been asked from parents in previous years.

Now for today’s topic: homesickness. If the word alone makes your stomach tighten, you’re in very good company. But, here’s what we want you to know right up front:

Homesickness is not a sign that camp is “going badly.” It’s often a sign that camp is doing something really good for your daughter.

“Sad” is not the same thing as “Homesick” Let’s start with an important distinction.

Your daughter may feel sad at some point while she is at camp. That’s normal! She might think about home during Rest Hour, or miss her dog, or wish she could tell you something funny that happened at lunch. She may even write you a letter that sounds like it was written during a dramatic rainstorm (even if the sun is now shining, and she just had the best day of her life).

Campers love to tell their parents all the things that are happening - the good and the bad. Feeling sad simply means she loves you, she loves home, and she’s adjusting to something new that she hasn’t tried before.

Homesickness, on the other hand, is when those sad feelings take over: when those feelings keep a camper from participating, connecting with friends, eating, sleeping, or enjoying camp. True homesickness is so rare at camp!

Learning to Miss Home

One of the best gifts camp gives to your daughter is the chance to practice a life skill she can use forever: “I can try something that (at times) might feel hard…and I can keep going.”

At Greystone, we love when a camper thinks of home, feels a pang of sadness, works through that feeling, and moves on to the next fun thing. That process is a key piece of resilience. And learning resilience is one of the true gifts of being away from you (the parent) and trying new things (at camp)!

We can’t reiterate this enough: a little homesickness or sadness is part of growing up and learning to do things on your own.

Sometimes “sad” is really about something else (and we can help!)

Here’s another reason not to panic: when a camper is sad, it’s often because something else is going on, not because she wants to go home.

Maybe she’s tired. Maybe she’s overwhelmed by new names and new routines. Maybe she’s hungry, or her sheets feel weird, or she hasn’t gotten mail yet, or she’s navigating friendship dynamics within a cabin for the first time (it can be hard to share attention with 8 other girls!).

Greystone has layers of support to help your daughter: counselors, Group Leaders, Directors, and friends who will help your daughter adjust. Most campers work through these bumps quickly and in a healthy way. If we ever think a camper is not adjusting well, we will reach out to you; we want your advice so we can help your daughter settle into camp as quickly as possible.

One thing to avoid: “If you don’t like it, you can come home”

We say this with so much love (because we understand the instinct): don’t make a deal with your daughter about camp!

“If you don’t like it, I’ll come get you” might sound comforting, but it can actually create the very homesickness you’re trying to prevent. It puts your daughter in a situation where she spends every moment evaluating and asking herself: “Do I like this? Do I like this? Do I like this?” Carrying this “decision” can feel heavy to campers, even for a confident camper.

Instead, the message we want you to share with her: “You can do this. We believe you can do this. And we can’t wait to hear about all of the fun you are having.”

What parents can do to help

Speak confidently: Of course you’ll miss her. But resist the temptation to tell her you’ll be devastated, can’t function, or will cry for three weeks straight (even if those things might be true!).

Try this instead:

• “I’ll miss you, but I’m so excited for you.”
• “You’re going to have so much fun.”
• “If you feel sad, you can talk to your counselor. She will be able to help.”

Keep your letters upbeat (and don’t make home sound like Disneyland): Campers don’t need a detailed list of everything they’re missing at home. Save the “You missed the most amazing dinner, and your brother got a new puppy, and we went to a waterpark” stories for later.

Great letter topics:

• Encouragement: “I love you. I’m proud of you.”
• Simple home updates: the normal, everyday stuff (i.e., mom is doing laundry, and I had to run to the hardware store)
• Questions that point her outward: “Which class are you loving? Who did you sit with at lunch? What made you laugh today?”

One of our camp dads wrote a wonderful blog post giving suggestions of what you can write in your camp letters to your daughter, so check out his post for some great suggestions.

Give her a plan for sad moments: Campers often settle into camp faster when they know what to do if they feel sad.

Tools you can give her:

• “If you feel sad, talk to your counselor.”
• “Ask for a hug. Counselors are really good at hugs.”
• “Do something to take your mind off of it: drink water, eat something, go to the next activity, ask a friend to go to the see-saws.”

Keep your Opening Day goodbye short and sweet:

Opening Day goodbyes are special for your first time camper. However, long, emotional, lingering goodbyes can unintentionally make things harder on your daughter. Treat the goodbye like a school drop off: quick hug, have fun, see you soon.

A great simple script: “I love you. Have the best time. I’ll see you on Closing Day!”

“What if I get the dreaded homesick letter?”

If a sad letter comes, start by taking a deep breath and (trying) to keep things in perspective.

It is very common for campers to process emotions through a heartfelt letter, especially during Rest Hour, when they finally have quiet time to think. Those letters can feel intense, and they can transfer the burden to you; but, they’re also a normal part of the adjustment process for many girls.

And remember, by the time you’ve gotten the letter, many days have passed. What was a big deal 5 days ago is probably not a big deal now.

So when you open the letter, what should you do? Read it, take that deep breath, say a quick prayer, think about how you can respond to her with love and confidence, and remember: going to camp is so good for your daughter (remember that resilience piece we talked about earlier?!). The first few days are often an adjustment, and that adjustment builds character and confidence, something you’ll see in your daughter when you pick her up on Closing Day.

If you are concerned about her letter or have received more than one sad letter in a row, just reach out to us. We’re happy to check in on your daughter!

The bottom line

We don’t dismiss homesickness; we take it seriously. But we also know that campers are building such great skills at camp: courage, independence, resilience, deeper friendships, and the gained confidence that comes from realizing, “I did something hard (and hopefully something really, really fun!), and I’m okay.”

So yes, your daughter may miss you. And yes, she can still have a great time while she misses you. And that combination is one of the best reasons to send your daughter to camp!